Circus

As a kid, I always loved the circus. The lights, the animals, the thrill of the trapeze and tight rope walkers... to sum it up, a circus has a lot going on in quick succession and lately I can relate.

After a surprising call from Mayo Clinic on Wednesday, April 7, I have become my own tour guide through their massive health facility. I have been there a total of three times in the last two weeks, logging about 24 hours worth of visits and waiting in those three days. Not to mention, logging over 300 miles in that short time. After a cluster of tests to identify any number of problems, all the tests except for one, came back fine. Basically the pain I had, the high blood pressure, headaches and vision trouble are not new problems with my body. The CAT scan, which by the way is in my opinion, the most accurate description of the inside of a human body without slicing it open, showed nothing. Some minor defects in the arteries to the kidneys but nothing that is affecting my kidneys so no concern there. A slight velocity issue with my heart ventrical but probably something I have always had and further more, of no concern to the doctors at Mayo.

Probably the most dishearting news of all was finding out that there was a new lesion on my brain. This is the first lesion I have had on my brain. Basically a lesion is a scar that is left behind after the body eats away at the myelin or protective coating around the nerve. The good thing about this lesion is that I haven't noticed any change in my overall well being despite its development. The neurologist was pleasant and had excellent bedside manner, something I demand in my care. He said it was good that I was feeling fine and seemed to have no issues relating to the symptoms of MS. He questioned my medications and whether or not they were necessary. He stated that many MS drug benefits have been "overblown." His honesty made me trust him even more. I felt like for once, I was listening to someone who was truly concerned for my well being and not just prescribing the latest drug available. The side effects of my MS drug could be causing the high blood pressure so they want to see me again... They called today and now I am going there on Wed. for a visit with one of their MS specialist. It is amazing to me that we have drugs available to us that can cure one thing and cause new things to go wrong... Sometimes I wonder if just letting the disease run its course, is a better option that risking heart and kidney complications from drug side effects.

I am not complaining. Know that. I am so grateful that my care is now in the hands of the Mayo Clinic doctors. I am confident that this is the right place for me right now. I am tired of feeling like I am part of a never ending circus of medical appointments, bills, and balancing the home too.

Exhaustion from life's stresses are wearing me down. Thank goodness I have a beautiful family to come home too every night. No matter what this disease does to my body, it can't rip me of the joy I feel every time I am with the ones I love.